Days Go By
by L 0 K I
Summary: CarLo. Another path that could have been taken after Carly awoke from her coma.


First off, this is CarLo, so if you can't stomach that you might want to leave now.  Thanks. ^_^

This I began directly after Sonny's 'No Ordinary Bullet', to use a phrase someone else so perfectly coined (no offense to anyone. ^_^).  Safe to say, things didn't go quite as I had imagined.  But fanfics are for exploring other possibilities, right?  This is just one, and I'm very glad it didn't happen this way.  Even if I'm not always completely happy with the way things did go.

This right here is probably the closest I'll ever get to writing a songfic, even though I wouldn't necessarily call this one.  The songs just struck me as supportive to the scenes.  So there they are.  ^_^

Yes, I'm aware this has a very saccharine flavor to it, but it's not a tone I take in my stories often.  Always good to try different things, ya know?  Or maybe I should stick with the usual drama/angst/romance? :-D

Disclaimer: Carly and Lorenzo aren't mine, unfortunately.  And I don't _even_ want the other characters.  The songs are copyrighted to their respective owners.

¤ ¤ ¤

.**Days Go By**.

_Our love is the size of these tumors inside us / Our love is the size of this hospital room, you're my hospital groom_

_Put the ring on my finger, so tight it turns blue / A constant reminder, I'll die in this room if you die in this room_

_Sit like a watchdog and patiently wait / Listen for footsteps down the hallways, visit beds like they're graves_

_Days go by so slowly / Nights go by so slowly / In a hospital room / In a box built for two_

_I fight for air, fight for my own air / Forget all the things I can do alone / I fight for a heart, I fight for a strong heart / I fight to never know this sickness you know / But I know it's my own, I gave it a home_

_Our love is the size of these tumors inside us / Our love is the size of this hole in the ground, where my heart's buried now___

~ The Size of Our Love, Sleater-Kinney

Being there for the woman he loved was dangerous.  But it always had been when it came to Carly.  At any moment her husband or her 'best friend' could walk in, and he had no doubt in his mind that they would make a scene, over her comatose form no less.  But he couldn't stay away, and really, he didn't even want to try.  She needed him, whether she acknowledged it or not.  And he...he needed her.

Bandages cut across her forehead, tubes ran from her arms, it looked as horrible as it was, but he knew it wasn't enough.  Carly was a force of nature, she had triumphed over overwhelming odds before, and he had no doubt that she would beat this, too.  What he couldn't tolerate was the fact that she actually had to in the first place.  She had fought so hard to bring Baby Morgan into the world, and then fate had turned around and separated her from her child almost immediately.

Fate had nothing to do with it.  It was Sonny Corinthos, _his_ will that had taken this beautiful woman away from her child.  He had nearly cost Carly her life---No, he _had_ cost Carly her life.  There was nothing that could make up for the weeks she lost because of _him_.  She should have been holding her child in her arms and introducing Michael to his new little brother.  Instead she was here, confined to this bed, fighting for her life.

And where was Sonny Corinthos?  Was he sitting at his wife's bedside day in and day out?  Was he praying with his every thought that she would just open her eyes, look at him with love, hate, whatever she wanted?

No, Corinthos was out chasing his revenge.

If anyone deserved revenge, it was Carly.

But that could wait.

If she would just open her eyes...

He rubbed his thumb in circles over her knuckles, his skin warming the cool surface of her wedding ring.  Seeing it there brought the anger back in one stinging, helpless wave.  He blamed himself just as much as he blamed Corinthos.  That bullet was meant only for him.  He wished it had stayed with him.  Had he known that this would be the outcome of his little ghost story, he would never have set it in motion.  Her husband didn't deserve her, but more than that---Carly didn't deserve _this_.

With a sigh he pressed his forehead against the back of her hand, silently begging her for forgiveness.

¤ ¤ ¤

     Carly dreamed.  Every day and every night she dreamed, her subconscious constructing a life she didn't have, but desperately wanted.

¤ ¤ ¤

_You rise like a wave in the ocean / And you fall gently back to the sea / Now I want to know how to hold you / Return to me_

_You shine like the moon over water / And you darken the sky when you leave / Now I want to know how to keep you / Return to me_

_Turn to me_

_Everything I tell you has been spoken / And everything I say was said before / But everything I feel is for the first time / And everything I feel, I feel for you_

_I am here calling the wind / I am here calling your name / I am here calling you back / Return to me_

_I know what it means to be lonely / And I know what it means to be free / Now I want to know how to love you / Return to me_

_I am here calling the wind / I am here calling your name / I am here calling you back / Return to me_

_I am here_

_Return to me_

~ Return To Me, October Project

Corinthos posted a guard outside of Carly's door.  No doubt someone on staff had ears and eyes where they weren't wanted.  Three days went by where they kept him physically from her side, but his thoughts were always there.  He stayed as near as they would allow him.  Corinthos only visited his wife twice in all that time, like a storm, sweeping in and sweeping out.  Courtney and Bobbie spent hours with her, and for that he was thankful.

On the third day Carly woke, alone and confused.  The guard checking in on her immediately went to call Sonny, and Lorenzo saw his chance.  Crossing the hall like he was supposed to be there, he slipped into Carly's room and closed the door softly behind him.  He had to hear her voice, had to know she was okay.

     Her left hand was shaking slightly, pressed over her eyes as if the light bothered her.  It was daylight so he switched off the overhead and crossed over to the window to open the blinds, slanting them only enough to make her comfortable.

     He didn't know what to say.  There were so many things he wanted to say.  But all he could do was stand there and stare at her, and feel the relief filling him up until he was giddy.

She squinted at him, and some oddly warm recognition flitted over her face, before it shattered and her head dropped onto her pillow.  "I remember everything," she whispered, her voice hoarse and unused.  A single tear glittered in the artificial twighlight, falling to get lost in her hair.

He pulled a chair to her side and sat down, unsure of his welcome but selfishly needing to be there.  Strangely, she didn't object.

"Morgan," she whispered, the name being enough.

"Morgan is fine.  He is with Courtney, probably driving her up a wall if he's anything like his mother."

She smiled weakly at that, and he smiled because she did.

"I want to see him."

"Don't worry, she's bringing him right over."

She looked down, and he followed her eyes.  Together they stared at her wedding band.  He swallowed, but said what needed to be said.  "The guard is calling him.  He'll be here soon."

She frowned.  "I'm leaving him."  She looked up at him, her eyes wetted slightly, but determined.  "Morgan and Michael mean more to me than anything.  Sonny's life will destroy theirs, like it almost destroyed mine.  I'm going to take them away from all of this."

He stared at her.  She was leaving Corinthos, just like he wanted.  But not just that---she was leaving for good.  She said '_all of this_', and he could tell that she meant it.  And when he thought about it, it really was the best for her.  He suddenly knew what he had to do.

He reached up and traced his fingers gently along the edge of her face, the bandage, knowing the scar would probably be there forever.  "He's not good enough for you...and neither am I."  He stood up.  "I'm going away.  I'll be back a year from now, and hopefully I'll be someone worthy of you."

¤ ¤ ¤

Carly's eyes widened on his back as he reached for the doorknob.  This was not what she had wanted.  She wanted out of the life she and her children had been pulled into, and she wanted to make a better one.  Her dream came back to her in sharp clarity, and with a jolt she realized she wanted him to be a part of that life.  She wasn't sure what part yet, but she wanted time to figure it out.

"I won't wait for you," she said quickly, hoping it was enough to make him stay.  Even if it was just long enough for her to come up with a better reason to keep him from leaving.

His hand remained on the knob, but he did turn back, a small sad smile on his face.  And she knew in that moment that he truly was leaving.  That there was nothing she could possibly say to stop him.  She even understood why.

"Good.  Live your life, Carly.  When I come back, I'll do this right."

The tears she couldn't cry before spilled in a hot line down her cheeks.  She was losing something before she even knew what she had.  And she understood that it wasn't permanent, and that it was probably best, and even why, but that didn't mean she had to like it.

"Kiss me, before you leave," she pleaded, "Just once.  This might be goodbye..."

He came back to her, kissing away her tears, and then pressing a soft kiss on her trembling lips.  "It's not goodbye," he whispered.  And then he left.

She was still crying when Sonny and Tony rushed in the door, only minutes later.

¤ ¤ ¤

_I know we're just like old friends / We just can't pretend / That lovers make amends / We are reasons so unreal / We can't help but feel that something has been lost_

_But please you know you're just like me / Next time I promise we'll be / Perfect / Perfect / Perfect strangers down the line / Lovers out of time /  Memories unwind_

_So far I still know who you are / But now I wonder who I was..._

_Angel, you know it's not the end / We'll always be good friends / The letters have been sent on_

_So please, you always were so free / You'll see, I promise we'll be / Perfect / Perfect strangers when we meet / Strangers on the street / Lovers while we meet _

_Perfect / You know this has to be / We always we're so free / We promised that we'd be_

_Perfect_

~ Perfect, The Smashing Pumpkins

     Carly's life went on; a large part of it went to fighting off Sonny and his claim on her and her children.  There were days, dark days, that she thought he would win, and others that she nearly let him.  But one look at Morgan or Michael, or even in a mirror, was enough to remind her of what she was fighting for.  That last part was new and strange to her.

     Taking her past into consideration, one would have thought she knew the ins and outs of a 'custody battle'.  But her ex-husband had brought whole new meanings to the phrase.  Sonny didn't want to fight with her, or so he said, but what he really meant was that he didn't want _her_ to fight _him_.  He wanted her back in his life.  On his terms of course, and his sincere but empty promises.

He held back nothing, no legal twist, no trick, no insult.  Time separate from him had given her enough perspective to know that he meant it as some skewed compliment and declaration of love.  He was holding onto her, to their love, trying to show her that he had changed and things would be different this time.  That he was willing to fight to keep her near, _just like she had wanted_.  But now she understood he wasn't really holding onto her, but refusing to let her go.

Once upon a time she might have been flattered.  But once upon time being wanted had meant more to her than _what she wanted_.  That bullet to the head had been an epiphany, just the right slap in the face to wake her up.  Thinking of her life in terms of bettering herself, and not solely in terms of proving herself, wasn't easy, but she was taking steps.

With her children on the line, she had been just as cut-throat on her end of the battle.  And because she knew exactly who and what Sonny was, she had plenty of ammunition.  She had fought dirty, returning fire for fire, but she couldn't really regret any of it.  Michael and Morgan meant so much more to her.  So, she and Sonny had dragged each other through the mud and glass, but in the end she had emerged relatively victorious.  After all, fighting for what she wanted was something she knew very well.  She and Sonny both were scarred from the cutting of their ties.

     But she hadn't been completely alone.  Bobbie rallied behind her, and more surprisingly Lucky.  For the first time in years Carly truly felt close to her blood-family, in ways she never wanted to let go of.  Lucky still visited from time to time, little Lulu in tow.  Morgan really loved her.

And while she had been bound closer to one part of her family, another part had drifted away.  She had lost touch with Jason and Courtney during the custody battle.  But she was making new friends, and rediscovering old ones.  And some days the pain seemed balanced.

Two months ago she ran into Sonny alone on the docks.  It was a surprise to both of them, though it shouldn't have been.  They exchanged a few words of pleasant small talk, and parted ways quickly.  She would never forget that moment though, seeing his dark eyes filled with equal parts regret and acceptance.  He looked on her as if he had finally understood that she was never coming back to him, and more importantly---why.  It was a very promising start.

And...every so often a letter arrived, usually nothing more than a few words or lines.  Just enough to let her know _he_ was still out there, thinking of her.  She was more aware of time, and its passing in those moments.

¤ ¤ ¤

Work was something she took great pleasure in.  Mostly.  There were some nights she was just as aggravated as the rest of the population, and times she wished she could be home with her boys.  It helped that she owned The Cellar, and could pick and choose her own hours.  And it certainly helped that her club was doing well enough that she didn't really _need_ to be there all that much.  But she wanted to be.

Tonight she was just stopping by to make sure things were running smoothly, before she went home to watch Michael read his bedtime story to Morgan.  As simple as the act was, it was one of the highlights of her day.  With that image held firmly in her mind, she entered The Cellar with her head held high...And stopped in the doorway.

She knew this would happen someday.  She even knew it would happen like this.  That didn't stop her breath from shortening at the sight of him.

His hair was a little longer, a little lighter than she remembered...His eyes were still that perfect shade of blue...

She stood there, wondering how she should react, never realizing that her continued silence was saying everything she couldn't think to say.

Did he still want her?  Did she want him to?  The answer was surprisingly quick.

She blinked and made a decision.  He was sitting at the bar, so she nonchalantly looked around as if it were her first time there, then walked up and sat down.  Not next to him, no, one seat down.  She remembered his promise, and she was definitely going to make him abide by it.  Besides, she suddenly felt happy and playful.

Noticing him watching her curiously, she made sure to cradle her chin cutely with her left hand, flashing the ring that wasn't there.  She presented him with her most engaging smile, and for the first time in a long time, it felt real.  "Come here often?"

_We said good-bye with so much left to say / We knew inside we'd find another way / We'll have it all, it's not too late to try / Maybe you and I could go from here / Maybe you and I can make it, this time we'll..._

_Fall in love when we meet again / We can finish what we started / Fall in love if we try again / And then nothing will keep us apart_

_We're not the same as when we first began / We'll try to change, we'll take another chance / Maybe you and I could work it out / Maybe you and I can make it, this time we'll..._

_Fall in love when we meet again / We can finish what we started / Fall in love if we try again / And then nothing will keep us apart_

_I see your face, it's always on my mind / A time and place we almost left behind / This time we'll fall in, this time we'll..._

_Fall in love when we meet again / We can finish what we started / Fall in love if we try again / And then nothing will keep us apart_

~ When We Meet Again, Alanis Morissette

**.The End.******

*raises eyebrow*  I'm not sure what I think of this one...I'm used to putting a ton more angst in my stories.  Anywho, reviews would be much appreciated!  Thanks! ^_^


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